Flash in the Pan

Chris Muinos — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 18:45:21 +0000

The premiere of ABC’s new sci-fi marketing monolith, Flash Forward, can be summed up in just two words: patently ridiculous. But in case that simple response proves insufficient, I’ve prepared the following taste of what to expect; an almost step-by-step of the show’s first segment.

Open on blatant hook: the aftermath of a catastrophic event designed solely to snag viewers nice and early. Pretty, English, possibly eye-linered Joseph Fiennes pulls himself from a flipped over, ruined car and looks onto a city immersed in chaos. All the traditional imagery follows: woman calling for help while holding her dying husband’s head in her lap, shocked people stumbling around with wounded hands on wounded heads and/or wounded necks… even a screaming man on fire that seems incapable of recalling the old axiom of stopping, dropping, and rolling.

After this quick little taste of things to come, we jump back to four hours earlier. Naturally.

Here we’re subjected to Mr. Fiennes and Lost’s Sonya Walger–two gifted British actors–playing the typical American couple with painfully typical American accents. He playfully claims that he hates her, she calls him babe, and I throw up a little in my mouth.

A few steps later brings homeboy into an Alcoholic’s Anonymous meeting with what might be a hillbilly, and the real disappointment sets in. Network TV actually expects us to accept another tortured, AA hero. Now, I understand and fully respect the fact that all good heroes need character flaws, but isn’t this particular downfall getting a tad cliché? If the show’s creators were determined to spotlight substance abuse, why not try something a little more refreshing and gritty, like methamphetamine or cocaine? Imagine Joseph Fiennes twitching between action sequences… ‘nuff said.

Anyway, a clumsy series of character introductions later, and the show builds suspense for the oncoming mass black out. Car chase over here, above mentioned hillbilly climbing electric pole over there, just a dash of hospital operation room drama, a shore-side suicide, and a babysitter in mid-coitis… boom! Fade to black and the beginning of some slightly contrived-feeling mystery, and we pick up where the show started: city in chaos. Only this time a fuel tanker explodes and a helicopter crashes into a high rise. All of this in just over eleven minutes. Ye gods.

Beyond that, I’m not even sure what else to mention. I guess the show does pose some excellent questions, such as, how the hell does it only take the FBI approximately five hours to accept precognitive visions as viable evidence in their investigation? Or why wasn’t Dominic Monaghan in the pilot? And why, in God’s name, is the show’s hero so into standing on top of ruined cars?

John Cho is in the show as well, and his acting is, of course, top-notch. Although (through no fault of his own) the most interesting thing about the character is the cool scar pattern on his face he sports through most of the pilot. And you’ll love the closest thing to a nemesis the show’s heroes have–Suspect Zero–yet another cliché, tortured, and the one man walking around during the mass blackout.

Part of me wishes I could Flash Back and reclaim that hour of my life. But who knows, maybe there is potential here. I’ll at least check out next week’s episode in support of my man Dominic.

Seven New Shows To Watch This Fall

Phil — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 18:21:45 +0000

Yea, I’m sure Glee, Cougar Town, and Three Rivers will be just fine… but personally, I’m not really into it. Others will be not so fine — but will still (somehow) rake in the ratings (I’m looking at you, The Middle). There will be over 25 new shows this fall, and I have waded through all of that, to present to you — 7 new TV shows to get marginally-to-extremely excited about, respectively: